


You Can Decide the Things That Should or Shouldn’t Have Been

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-09
Updated: 2014-10-09
Packaged: 2018-02-20 11:25:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2426972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The male species is patently idiotic.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can Decide the Things That Should or Shouldn’t Have Been

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place five years from the present. The title comes from the Elton John song _You Can Make History Young Again_.

He stood when he saw her walking toward him. His arms opened and Emily Prentiss walked right into them. He closed them around her and held on for a while. She still smelled the same; for some reason that surprised him. He was nervous about tonight; this was the closest they had ever come to a date. A part of him wanted to know what Emily called it but he certainly was not going to ask.

 

She held him close and inhaled the scent of Acqua di Gio. It was so subtle; being this close was the only way to smell it. Rain and masculinity…it was definitely one of her favorite smells. Why had it been so long? There were probably a million good and bad answers to that question but she didn’t really care. In his arms, it felt as if no time had passed.

 

“You look fantastic.” Hotch smiled as he pulled away from her. He examined her outfit, dark denim jeans, Skechers, and a white v-neck tee shirt. Seven years after they met for the second time and she was just as beautiful. Her hair was different now, just a little past her chin and parted on the side. Gone were the bangs that for him almost became synonymous with Emily Prentiss. Why had it been so long?

 

“So do you.” her hand ran down his chest. “Agent Hotchner, you do casual quite well.” She slid into the booth and he sat across from her.

 

He had chosen Clyde’s of Georgetown. It was relaxed and low-key; they needed room to talk without formality. Hotch had not seen her in almost a year.

 

“Even your hair is casual.” Emily laughed.

 

“I didn’t think I needed the gel.” He replied.

 

“I like it. I'm glad you emailed me, Hotch.”

 

“I am so sorry I let this much time go by, but…”

 

“I know how busy you are. You don’t have to explain.”

 

“I could’ve tried a little harder.” He said.

 

“I guess you could’ve. It goes both ways though.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I wanted to, a million times, but I just got so busy.” Emily replied. “There were a few moments of calm…I used them to sleep.”

 

“Tell me about it. So…how is my godchild?”

 

Emily smiled. She pulled two wallet-sized pictures out of her purse and handed them to Hotch. He looked at them and smiled as well. She was getting so big, the pink dress Emily dressed her in for the photos made her red hair even redder. She definitely had her mother’s smile.

 

“She looks just like you, Em.” He said.

 

“My father says the same thing. I don’t see it.”

 

“How can you not? She has your cheekbones, your nose…”

 

“I hope she doesn’t have my nose.”

 

“Your nose is beautiful, stop it. Your eyes are shaped the exact same way. She even has your ears.”

 

“My ears?” Emily laughed as the server came over to the table.

 

They both ordered Sam Adams and the chicken enchilada appetizer. Emily opened her menu to see what she wanted for dinner.

 

“How do you know she has my ears, Hotch?”

 

“I'm looking at the two of you. She definitely has your ears. How is she? I am the world’s lousiest godfather. Maybe you should have picked someone else.”

 

“No, you're the reason she is alive. End of sentence.”

 

Emily had been in the BAU for four years when she decided to have a baby. She did not want to do it on her own but feared that if she kept waiting, she would miss her opportunity to be a mother. She was not willing to take that risk. After researching it thoroughly, Emily opted for in vitro fertilization with an anonymous sperm donor. She continued her work at the BAU just as JJ had when she was pregnant with Henry. One night, working late on paperwork, she stumbled into Hotch’s office and announced her water had broken. She was also bleeding. The Unit Chief panicked; she was barely into her seventh month. 

 

An ambulance rushed Emily to the hospital and they had to deliver that night. The placenta had separated; the baby would have died if they did not get her out. Hotch was there for the entire thing; he could not leave Emily alone. Her daughter came into the world at just over 2 pounds. She didn’t cry and had already possibly lost some oxygen to her brain, but she was alive. Emily lost so much blood, and it was Hotch and her father, when he arrived, who rolled up their sleeves for the transfusion.

 

Hotch was also there when she held her for the first time a few days later, naming her Serena Michaela Prentiss. It was a struggle for Emily and her daughter for the next two months. Serena would have a victory and then a setback, and then two setbacks and another victory. Doctors released Emily from the hospital after a week but she shuttled back and forth everyday to be with her daughter. Everything was up in the air…Serena would gain weight but have breathing problems. She would lose weight and have an irregular heartbeat.

 

He didn’t even know how it happened but Hotch became her supporting hand. When he was in town, he was going from Quantico to GW hospital. There were nights when he held Emily crying in his arms until she fell asleep from exhaustion. When he was out in the field, traveling for a case, she was #2 on his speed dial as he checked in on Serena’s condition. It took nine weeks but she finally came home from the hospital. 

 

She was six pounds and ready to fight. Hotch was upset but could only agree with a nod when Emily made the decision to leave the BAU for an FBI desk job in Washington. She needed to be with her daughter as much as possible. He never meant for them to drift apart and regretted it everyday. As he struggled to be the best father to Jack, who was now eight, he knew there was a little girl out there, almost three, who needed him as well. 

 

“How is she, Em?”

 

“Good.” Emily smiled. The beer and appetizers arrived. “I'm going to have the grilled chicken salad with no onions. Honey mustard dressing on the side please.”

 

“Sure. And you sir?” their server, who announced herself as Wendy, asked.

 

“The bacon cheddar burger with no tomatoes.”

 

She nodded and walked away.

 

“My father is trying to teach her Arabic…it’s really adorable. I took her to the pediatrician last week and she passed all the tests he gave her. Her coordination is a bit below most kids her age but he is happy with her progress. We watch a lot of _Baby Einsteins_ and _Blue’s Clues_. She chases poor George relentlessly and only falls down occasionally. Her lungs and heartbeat are strong and brain waves are that of a “normal” two and a half year old. She is happy and healthy.”

 

“I would love to see her.” Hotch said.

 

“Good luck; she’s been kidnapped. Dad and Nat took her to their house in Hilton Head for the next week. She barely waved goodbye to me…Natty and Pop are her favorite people.”

 

“I'm sure.” Hotch laughed. “But she is a mommy’s girl.”

 

“Yeah. My parents insist on taking her every other weekend. They want me to have a life. They always say I didn’t have her so I could sit at home all the time and look at her. They say I didn’t leave the BAU so I could become a hermit. They adore keeping her, and sometimes I enjoy spending a weekend in my pajamas.”

 

“That must be fabulous.”

 

“Mmm,” Emily smiled, sipping her beer. “It is nice. I even, I even tried dating.”

 

“You're dating?”

 

“I said I tried dating. It hasn’t changed since the last time I was in the game. No, that's not true, now it’s actually worse. Single mothers are not the most appealing to the male species.”

 

“The male species is patently idiotic.” Hotch replied.

 

“Tell me about it. I know a few good ones though. So what about you? Don’t let me hog the whole conversation…tell me how you’ve been.”

 

“Busy. Nothing much has changed, though I wish it had. Well actually, Dave is going to retire at the end of the year. This time for good. He says he has done everything he wanted to and I think he has redeemed himself in his own eyes. I was told if I didn’t make sure you were at the retirement party, I was a dead man.”

 

“I will be there.”

 

Ever the mother, Emily took Hotch’s plate and put an enchilada on it before serving herself. He smiled at her.

 

“So we are going to be down two agents come January first.”

 

“Two?” Emily raised an eyebrow.

 

“Charlotte McManus requested a transfer. While the BAU seems to be everyone’s dream job, it is not for everyone. She hung in there two years but doesn’t want to do it anymore. I was happy to sign off; I need my team to be dedicated. She’s heading to New York Missing Persons.”

 

“Jack Malone’s team.”

 

“Yeah. I really need another veteran on my team…I'm sure they will stick me with a newbie. I don’t want two.”

 

“Someone always has to be new, Hotch.”

 

“True, but no one impresses me.”

 

“Anyway, you have veterans.” Emily replied. “You have Morgan, JJ, and Spencer.”

 

“Morgan is going to be heading out soon. He is beating off Unit Chief offers everyday from all over the country. I know one of these days one offer will be too tempting to turn down. I don’t want him staying with me out of some misplaced loyalty.”

 

“Our loyalty to you was never misplaced. You had our backs through plenty of shit…we just returned the favor. Morgan is the Agent he is because of you and Jason Gideon. He will go when he is ready but he is not staying out of misplaced loyalty. I know that for sure.”

 

Hotch looked at her and knew that she knew. No doubt, she had talked to Morgan recently. She probably talked to them all frequently; he was the only one who played the invisible man. Why had he done that? Now he decided to show up to quite possibly ruin everything.

 

“I want you to come back,” he said.

 

“I'm sorry?” the beer stopped halfway to her lips. Emily placed it back on the table.

 

“I want you back in the BAU…we need you.”

 

“Hotch…”

 

“It was never the same after you left. I know why you did it but it was never the same. We were never the same…I was never…I need you back.”

 

“So that’s why you email after eight months?” Emily asked. “You want me to take my old job back?”

 

“No, I…”

 

“I can't believe I thought…”

 

“Emily…”

 

“Excuse me.”

 

She got up and walked away from the booth. Hotch hardly had time to stand as she quickly hustled away. Damn, here he was a few years shy of fifty and still didn’t know how to say things. In his job, he nailed it every time and that gave him a false confidence. Maybe he should have made more small talk first. No, it was about more than small talk…he wanted to see Emily tonight. It was better to drop the BAU bomb sooner rather than later. 

 

She was probably pissed, maybe she would walk away, but he said it. Hotch took a deep breath and ate the chicken enchilada on his plate. He didn’t know when she was coming back. He only knew she would because of propriety. Emily Prentiss would never leave him that way. She might come back and tell him to shove it up his ass but she would not leave him hanging. He would wait it out. At least he had beer and some food.

 

“I was beginning to think you left me.” Hotch said when she returned.

 

Their dinner was waiting on the table. He had not touched his burger. The appetizer was gone and the beers replaced. Emily sat back in the booth, looking at him with hard brown eyes.

 

“Let’s get this over with. Did you invite me here to entice me into coming back to the BAU?” Emily asked.

 

“No.” he shook his head.

 

“Forgive me if I do not believe you.”

 

“You're forgiven.”

 

“Hotch!” her voice went up an octave.

 

He knew that she was not happy. He needed to get back on the right page quickly. Well, he had already fucked it up…he may as well go all the way. When Aaron Hotchner did something, he did it all the way.

 

“Honestly, your staying in Washington would be easier for me.”

 

“You're not making sense.” Emily replied. She took another drink of her beer, looking down at her salad but wasn’t hungry.

 

“If you stayed there I could tell you that I was a damn fool for not telling you how I felt about you three years ago. Hell, for not telling you five years ago. I need you in the BAU; I need Prentiss. I miss you every single day and I am not just talking about as a profiler. I opened my mouth to tell you a million times but it was too hard. We worked so well together and even if we decided to break the rules, who’s to say it wouldn’t have gone bad?

 

“Who’s to say you even felt the same way? I couldn’t…I was terrified of putting my feelings out there and you rejecting me. Then Serena came along and your priorities changed. I could not ask you to put your daughter aside for me. Here I am a part-time father and I actually thought I could be something in your life and hers. You were gone before I even said anything but I am asking you back because I need you.”

 

“Oh my God,” She could hardly whisper the words.

 

“I'm sorry Emily, for so many things I don’t even know where to begin.”

 

“There's still time.”

 

“If you come back to the BAU and we…”

 

“Do you think there is a chance in hell that I will ever let you go when I finally get my arms around you, Aaron Hotchner?”

 

“I honestly have no idea.” He replied.

 

“Well it’s nice to know that you don’t know everything. I miss the BAU too, Hotch; it was my dream job. I love being a mother as well and I do not like the idea of leaving my child for long stretches of time for work. I don’t know if I can do it.”

 

“Lots of agents are flexible.” Hotch said.

 

“I need…this has to sink in. I don’t want to talk about work. Rossi and McManus are not leaving until January and it’s barely July. Give me time, please.”

 

“Of course.” He nodded.

 

The table fell silent. Though her heart was not in it, Emily ate some of her salad. Other things needed to sink in as well. Had Hotch just said what she thought he said? How was she going to respond? She had waited a long time to hear it; he wasn’t the only one who feared rejection. If he was finally brave enough to speak up didn’t he deserve to have her respond in kind? God, if only it were that easy.

 

“I'm too late, aren’t I?” Hotch couldn’t stay silent for another moment.

 

“Too late for what?” she looked at him.

 

“Everything?”

 

“Did you know that this scenario has gone through my mind about a million and one times? The movies convince us that it’s easy. Boy loves girl, boy confesses to girl, they kiss and live happily ever after.”

 

“I'm not a boy and you're not a girl. We’ve seen and lived through a lot.”

 

“I didn’t want to let you go that weekend you stayed with me. It was the first time Serena was ill, do you remember?”

 

“I’ll never forget. I walked the floor with her most of the night so you could rest.”

 

“I almost told you I loved you, as you were walking out. My mouth was stuck…I was afraid.”

 

“Don’t be afraid anymore.” Hotch slid his hand over hers. “Emily, I gave you my blood; you're a part of me. I held you when you cried, I stayed up all night with you, and I have you as number 2 on my speed dial. Yes, I took my precious time telling you but I will never let you forget again. I want you in my life…I want that precious little girl in my life. I miss you so much. I want you to know my son; I want to make a family with you. And I want you back at the BAU.”

 

“Can we do it all?” she asked.

 

“Yes.” Hotch nodded, not missing a beat.

 

“You're an overachiever.”

 

“You’ve never failed me. I doubt you will start now. I know I've failed you but…”

 

“Don’t say that,” Emily shook her head. “Nothing could be further from the truth.  You saved my life and made it a richer experience. I just…I feel really exposed here.”

 

“We can go,” Hotch waved for the server. “We can go somewhere else to talk; somewhere more intimate. Anywhere you want…if you’d like.”

 

“Yes.” she nodded, smiling some. Emily turned her palm up, sliding her fingers around his. Though her stomach was churning, it felt so effortless. This was as it should be and though they took their time getting there, they were finally on the same page. “We have so much to talk about. I want to tell you everything, Hotch.”

 

“I want to hear it, every single word. We can talk all night.”

 

“I’ll make you coffee.”

 

“I love your coffee.”

 

When the server came back to the table, Hotch asked for the check. She looked confused when he said they didn’t need doggie bags and left the check there with a smile. Hotch put three twenties on top, leaving her a hell of a tip.

 

“Lets get out of here.” He did not let go of Emily’s hand as they made their way to the door. He would never let go again.

 

***

                                                                                                            


End file.
